If we are being totally honest, writing Miracles Manifested was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I wanted my book to help you. And in order to do that, I needed to be braver than I have ever been. I needed to be brutally honest about my life and share things I have been too ashamed to admit out loud.
My parents weren’t happily married. In fact, they didn’t share a bedroom or kiss for 40 years. I was determined to create a marriage of bliss. But when Jade was two, I came home to find that Saul had left me. The craziest thing was that it came as a complete surprise. I didn’t even know we were having problems. Within a week he filed divorced and we were discussing custody.
In my book I share many of the lessons I learned during my darkest hours and how I found the courage to face down my demons and get back up again. Today Saul is my biggest supporter, my rock and my very best friend. He is my center when I am spinning out.
But marriage takes work. It isn’t always easy and there are days you want to suffocate your spouse. But almost losing my marriage taught me some valuable tools that have helped me create a partnership built on mutual respect and trust.
I’ll share THE TOP 10 LESSONS learned from the past 18 years:
1) Always communicate. You might need outside help to do this, but you cannot resolve the struggles if you don’t talk about them.
2) Accept and allow the person to be who they are without trying to change them.
3) Find your own interests and passions and pursue them. Boredom is disaster in a relationship.
4) Know that things come in waves. Sometimes you’ll need a lifeline and other times you’ll be the one carrying the load.
5) Trust is key. If you break it, it is impossible to rebuild. If something threatens this, speak about it, no matter how hard. Because even the worst truth is better than a tiny lie.
6) Support your spouse’s dreams even if you don’t really get them. Marriage is about always having the other persons back.
7) Plan a date night/day once a week. It doesn’t need to be fancy. Grab a movie and dinner or take a walk on the beach.
8) Listen… I use dinner time every night to catch up with my family. And I’m there to just listen.
9) Be kind. It is much more important than winning and being right.
10) Never go to bed angry. No matter the drama, push pause and tell your spouse you love them.
And remember, everyone you encounter is facing a challenge. You have no clue what it’s like to walk in their shoes. So share your light with them.
This is your mission.